Shopsmith Forums

If they are still home at 26, you're too nice and/or accomodating. It should be like water boarding. I don't know if my mom used that strategy on purpose or not, but I went back the summer after my Freshman year of college and it was excrutiating. Never again. I worked jobs most would never consider taking, at all hours of the day or night, to keep a roof over my head. Kids today get upset if they have an 8am class because it cuts into partying or staying up late...I was rushing to get a shower and get to school after pulling an overnight shift loading trucks.

But I digress. Congrats on the vacation. Party like its 1999.

Great gift from your kids!

I went to Kauai about 7 years ago. Beautiful place! You might not want to come back but unless you are rich you will not be able afford to live there.

Wow - as someone who had kids relatively late in life (my first came when I was 40) and is now neck deep in the never-ending parental duty you so perfectly described...nice to hear about some light at the end of the tunnel from someone. It's been hard as hell in this day and age to pound the motivation, work ethic, reponsibility, and respect into my kids that my Dad successfully pounded into me...don't get me wrong, I have good kids but so many of their friends seem to have free range of their homes and their parents that it's been much tougher to successfully pound these attributes into them in this day and age...end result is I'm getting there but damn is it exhausting and my ultimate hope is when they are grown adults they will not only exhibit these qualities but have appreciation and respect for their parents for trying in difficult times to raise them with the necessary values to succeed in life. Your story helps me have faith I'll get there one day...

eartigas wrote:Stay home long is the new normal. Parents have to afford what children can't.

At least is what the statistics say. I have a 16 y/o and an 11 y/o so don't know yet.

Ed

My oldest (now 29) left home at 21 and only comes back for visits with her husband.

My second child (now 27) left at 19 and only comes back for visits with his fiance. While still living at home after graduation he decided college was not for him. He was advised that rent was due on the first of the month and he had to get his own health care insurance. 6 months later he moved out.

No grand kids yet.

Youngest (18 in July) is graduating HS in a few months and going to the local university as long he stays enrolled full time and gets good grades he'll have health insurance, a roof over his head, food to eat and ASSISTANCE with tuition and expenses but not a free ride. Books, car insurance, gas, food not already in the house, etc. are his RESPONSIBILITY. He has been working part time since he was 14. He also currently pays for the privilege of driving. He must pay his share of the car insurance, fuel and vehicle maintenance costs. He also pays for his portion of the cell phone bill. And if he doesn't like the food or clothing provided he is welcome to purchase to his liking at his expense. There are no free rides in my house.

I have never given my kids "Allowance" it was always understood that they must earn their money by doing extra work above and beyond their normal household responsibilities (clean room, look after the dogs, help with KP and general cleaning, etc.) For years I kept a separate list of chores that I would pay for them to do. (Wash and vacuum the car, wax the car, extreme weeding etc. Things I would usually or preferably pay someone else to do.) The list and expectations of completeness evolved and changed as the kids got older. I have not kept the list since my youngest started working outside the house.

The only way to combat the growing sense of entitlement is to not tolerate it or permit it. All of my children have been made to understand from early on that if they want something, they have to earn it.

terrydowning wrote:My oldest (now 29) left home at 21 and only comes back for visits with her husband.

My second child (now 27) left at 19 and only comes back for visits with his fiance. While still living at home after graduation he decided college was not for him. He was advised that rent was due on the first of the month and he had to get his own health care insurance. 6 months later he moved out.

No grand kids yet.

Youngest (18 in July) is graduating HS in a few months and going to the local university as long he stays enrolled full time and gets good grades he'll have health insurance, a roof over his head, food to eat and ASSISTANCE with tuition and expenses but not a free ride. Books, car insurance, gas, food not already in the house, etc. are his RESPONSIBILITY. He has been working part time since he was 14. He also currently pays for the privilege of driving. He must pay his share of the car insurance, fuel and vehicle maintenance costs. He also pays for his portion of the cell phone bill. And if he doesn't like the food or clothing provided he is welcome to purchase to his liking at his expense. There are no free rides in my house.

I have never given my kids "Allowance" it was always understood that they must earn their money by doing extra work above and beyond their normal household responsibilities (clean room, look after the dogs, help with KP and general cleaning, etc.) For years I kept a separate list of chores that I would pay for them to do. (Wash and vacuum the car, wax the car, extreme weeding etc. Things I would usually or preferably pay someone else to do.) The list and expectations of completeness evolved and changed as the kids got older. I have not kept the list since my youngest started working outside the house.

The only way to combat the growing sense of entitlement is to not tolerate it or permit it. All of my children have been made to understand from early on that if they want something, they have to earn it.

I'm with you, Terry. As a teenager, ALL of my toys came from money that I earned. That made them truly special. My Dad helped with college expenses, because I made good grades. But I often turned down cash from him that I didn't really need -- I suppose the lessons had been well learned by the time college rolled around.

Now I have my own 16 year old daughter. She is a good girl, top student, and had been lusting after a part-time job before it was even practical. So the wife and I decided that when she turned 16, she needed wheels to get to her first job, not to mention helping taxi her younger siblings about as required. The economics were such that she could not possibly afford car payments, insurance, and gas on the menial minimum-wage job she landed. So we decided to loan her my old Toyota, almost broken in after 170k miles. As for gas and insurance, gas is much more painful, because the pump reminds you of the cost every week or so. The more you drive, the more you pay. Excellent feedback.

So we foot the bill for the fixed insurance cost, and she pays for the variable gasoline cost. So far, so good.

Aloha

mrhart wrote:Aloha

So, is paradise all it is cracked up to be?


I recall a recent posting regarding excess heat thar!:D




P.S. Oh! I fergit it ain't daylight thar yet!

Hawaii, don't they have an interstate? You can drive!

derekdarling wrote:Hawaii, don't they have an interstate? You can drive!

Hope that doesn't mean inter island!

Here are some pics that might interest the woodworker folks without boring you with all of our other pics.

Tis an amazing place!

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