The Woodworking Gods

robinson46176 · Post by **robinson46176** » Sun May 31, 2009 9:49 am

Between other things I do a little article writing and thought I would post a new one here since it is about (poking a little fun at us) woodworking.

=====================================

One of the more expensive and time consuming of my plethora of hobbies is woodworking. Seldom has so much money and so much time ever produced so little productive return. I am going to have to build something quite large and fancy to ever get the average price of my projects down below $2000 each.
In this hobby there are several groups of us each worshiping different shop gods. I personally am forced to confess that I actually enjoy the tools and machinery more than making wooden items. I have always been a tool nut, attracted by wonderful mechanical devices of all kinds. While some are content to sit down with one knife and whittle a bit of wood into a piece of art I am more prone to keep enough tools and machinery to attack the wood using "shock and awe" to force it into shape. Many of us are never quite satisfied with machines as they come so we make a lot of modifications to them and of course that requires that we acquire even more machinery to make those modifications.
Then there are those "plan" worshipers who spend hours and hours studying , buying and drawing plans. Some would spend $100 and 100 hours coming up with a suitable "plan" for a project and after all of those dollars and hours they would then spend 20 minutes of shop time building and another 5 minutes of time hanging the new birdhouse in the back yard. At that point they walk away, never looking back, headed to the shop to plan their next project. They are not sure what it will be but they have heard of a new set of plans out for a different shaped napkin ring.
Another group are the "wood" guys (and gals) who don't much care what they make or how they make it. They only care about the wood they use. Yes, it is only a toothpick holder but it is made of "Co-whatsit Wood" from the south bank of a horseshoe bend in the Amazon River 300 miles up river. Even then they will only use a piece from the east branch of the tree where tree frogs have sat for 200 years and have worn a smooth spot.
There is one group that worships the "Chip and Shavings" god and to them the smooth rolling curl of the shavings out of their hand plane is far more important than the board they have removed it from. The item being made is definitely secondary. Nothing is more relaxing to them than to be standing ankle deep in sawdust, chips and shavings.
In an opposing camp there are the worshipers of the almighty dust collectors. To them most tools are unimportant. The wood is unimportant. The project is unimportant. The only thing that really matters is that not a single bit of dust, chips or shavings ever reaches the floor. They set up such huge dust collection systems that when they click the remote control they wear on their belt 24-7 and the high horsepower collection units kick on, all of the doors and windows in the shop bow inward from the massive vacuum formed. They also tend to have a brush, broom and dust pan at each work station ready to flash into action in the unlikely event that the collectors should ever permit a small particle of dust to settle on any shop surface.
You might think sandpaper worshipers would be next but that is not the case. Nobody worships sand paper... It is just a necessary evil (except for rustic projects) that everybody hates. Even the plan worshipers only make one word mention of it. The dust collection worshipers don't like it because it clogs their high dollar filters badly. Nobody likes the stuff.
There is a group of woodworkers that worship the gods of "finish". Not the end of the project, rather the varnish,paint or oil used to coat the surfaces of projects. All of the other work to this point has just been a prelude to the finishing for them. You will recognize one of them when you enter their shop. Their scrap wood box has 27 coats of hand rubbed tung oil finish on it. Their front door has so much varnish on it that you can barely get to the knob.
I almost forgot the scrap wood guys. Actually that applies to most of us in the hobby. Almost all of us are scrap savers. At times it gets so bad that part of the shop machinery has to be removed from the shop and new lumber stored outside under a tarp just so that there is room for another scrap wood box. About the only thing that saves many of us is that we tend to use woodstoves for shop heat.
Lastly is the group that worships the sharp cutting edge. They have thousands in sharpening equipment and absolutely must have the very newest unit out. They have 312 different kinds of oil stones and complicated equipment that would put NASA to shame. If you could gather all of the little tiny diamonds together from their diamond hones you could put together another Hope Diamond (a rather ugly piece of rock by the way). Tool makers love these guys since they wear out so much stuff. Some of them have to buy new wood chisels and lathe turning tools every year since they sharpen them out of existence. They grind and sharpen on about anything and everything including the light switches and flush handles. You dare not lean on anything in their shop for fear of cutting yourself.
We woodworkers are generally a friendly bunch and in most of the different groups mentioned above there are members of other groups as there tends to be a lot of overlap of ideals. I can highly recommend the hobby especially if you enjoy being out of money much of the time and don't mind shaking a little sawdust out of your shoes. Woodworkers do tend to have nicknames, I know of a couple named Dusty. Then there is One Eye, Three finger Jack, Stumpy, Scarface, Stitches and Gimpy.

JPG · Post by **JPG** » Sun May 31, 2009 9:58 am

robinson46176 wrote:Between other things I do a little article writing and thought I would post a new one here since it is about (poking a little fun at us) woodworking.

=====================================

One of the more expensive and time consuming of my plethora of hobbies is woodworking. Seldom has so much money and so much time ever produced so little productive return. I am going to have to build something quite large and fancy to ever get the average price of my projects down below $2000 each.
In this hobby there are several groups of us each worshiping different shop gods. I personally am forced to confess that I actually enjoy the tools and machinery more than making wooden items. I have always been a tool nut, attracted by wonderful mechanical devices of all kinds. While some are content to sit down with one knife and whittle a bit of wood into a piece of art I am more prone to keep enough tools and machinery to attack the wood using "shock and awe" to force it into shape. Many of us are never quite satisfied with machines as they come so we make a lot of modifications to them and of course that requires that we acquire even more machinery to make those modifications.
Then there are those "plan" worshipers who spend hours and hours studying , buying and drawing plans. Some would spend $100 and 100 hours coming up with a suitable "plan" for a project and after all of those dollars and hours they would then spend 20 minutes of shop time building and another 5 minutes of time hanging the new birdhouse in the back yard. At that point they walk away, never looking back, headed to the shop to plan their next project. They are not sure what it will be but they have heard of a new set of plans out for a different shaped napkin ring.
Another group are the "wood" guys (and gals) who don't much care what they make or how they make it. They only care about the wood they use. Yes, it is only a toothpick holder but it is made of "Co-whatsit Wood" from the south bank of a horseshoe bend in the Amazon River 300 miles up river. Even then they will only use a piece from the east branch of the tree where tree frogs have sat for 200 years and have worn a smooth spot.
There is one group that worships the "Chip and Shavings" god and to them the smooth rolling curl of the shavings out of their hand plane is far more important than the board they have removed it from. The item being made is definitely secondary. Nothing is more relaxing to them than to be standing ankle deep in sawdust, chips and shavings.
In an opposing camp there are the worshipers of the almighty dust collectors. To them most tools are unimportant. The wood is unimportant. The project is unimportant. The only thing that really matters is that not a single bit of dust, chips or shavings ever reaches the floor. They set up such huge dust collection systems that when they click the remote control they wear on their belt 24-7 and the high horsepower collection units kick on, all of the doors and windows in the shop bow inward from the massive vacuum formed. They also tend to have a brush, broom and dust pan at each work station ready to flash into action in the unlikely event that the collectors should ever permit a small particle of dust to settle on any shop surface.
You might think sandpaper worshipers would be next but that is not the case. Nobody worships sand paper... It is just a necessary evil (except for rustic projects) that everybody hates. Even the plan worshipers only make one word mention of it. The dust collection worshipers don't like it because it clogs their high dollar filters badly. Nobody likes the stuff.
There is a group of woodworkers that worship the gods of "finish". Not the end of the project, rather the varnish,paint or oil used to coat the surfaces of projects. All of the other work to this point has just been a prelude to the finishing for them. You will recognize one of them when you enter their shop. Their scrap wood box has 27 coats of hand rubbed tung oil finish on it. Their front door has so much varnish on it that you can barely get to the knob.
I almost forgot the scrap wood guys. Actually that applies to most of us in the hobby. Almost all of us are scrap savers. At times it gets so bad that part of the shop machinery has to be removed from the shop and new lumber stored outside under a tarp just so that there is room for another scrap wood box. About the only thing that saves many of us is that we tend to use woodstoves for shop heat.
Lastly is the group that worships the sharp cutting edge. They have thousands in sharpening equipment and absolutely must have the very newest unit out. They have 312 different kinds of oil stones and complicated equipment that would put NASA to shame. If you could gather all of the little tiny diamonds together from their diamond hones you could put together another Hope Diamond (a rather ugly piece of rock by the way). Tool makers love these guys since they wear out so much stuff. Some of them have to buy new wood chisels and lathe turning tools every year since they sharpen them out of existence. They grind and sharpen on about anything and everything including the light switches and flush handles. You dare not lean on anything in their shop for fear of cutting yourself.
We woodworkers are generally a friendly bunch and in most of the different groups mentioned above there are members of other groups as there tends to be a lot of overlap of ideals. I can highly recommend the hobby especially if you enjoy being out of money much of the time and don't mind shaking a little sawdust out of your shoes. Woodworkers do tend to have nicknames, I know of a couple named Dusty. Then there is One Eye, Three finger Jack, Stumpy, Scarface, Stitches and Gimpy.

Well said! Love it! Great to hear from somebody so well grounded in reality! Also knows not to take it all TOO seriously(Himself included).

ldh · Post by **ldh** » Sun May 31, 2009 12:22 pm

Francis,
Thanks for the great article on the Woodworking Gods. I now understand what is happening in my shop when a project or the tools go south on me, it is NOT MY FAULT, the Woodworking Gods are just attaching me.
ldh

a1gutterman · Post by **a1gutterman** » Sun May 31, 2009 12:28 pm

I like your article, farmer! Dusty even got a mention!

JPG · Post by **JPG** » Sun May 31, 2009 1:11 pm

ldh wrote:Francis,
Thanks for the great article on the Woodworking Gods. I now understand what is happening in my shop when a project or the tools go south on me, it is NOT MY FAULT, the Woodworking Gods are just attaching me.
ldh

WHAT are they 'attaching' you to??

ldh · Post by **ldh** » Sun May 31, 2009 2:12 pm

JPG40504 wrote:WHAT are they 'attaching' you to??

Yes, even the Spell Check Gods are after me when I wanted to say ATTACKED they made me use ATTACHED. I am just thankful there are still some friendly spelling angles out there in the woodworking world to offer a helping hand.
ldh

john · Post by **john** » Sun May 31, 2009 4:56 pm

Nice piece of writing!

And it's all true , of course.

John

a1gutterman · Post by **a1gutterman** » Sun May 31, 2009 8:27 pm

ldh wrote:Yes, even the Spell Check Gods are after me when I wanted to say ATTACKED they made me use ATTACHED. I am just thankful there are still some friendly spelling angles out there in the woodworking world to offer a helping hand.
ldh

I can knot stop laughing!!! What exactly is a spelling angle??? I'll bet you are wishing for a friendly spelling angel about now!!!

charlese · Post by **charlese** » Sun May 31, 2009 9:42 pm

Enjoyed the post, Francis!:D

Then there are the woodworkers who make sacrifices to those woodworking gods. Fingers, or portions of them seem to be the most favored sacrificial parts. Hopefully these sacrifices make them better woodworkers. That, most likely depends on how much the sacrifice is appreciated, by both the gods and the woodworker him/her self.

mbcabinetmaker · Post by **mbcabinetmaker** » Sun May 31, 2009 9:58 pm

An then there ARE the Gods of writing about woodworking..............er I guess that is most of us on this forum.

Mark