TOOLS EXPLAINED
DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching lumber stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.
WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers, throws wire metal pieces into you and your tee-shirt in less time than it takes you to say, 'Oh s***!'
SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short or cut sheet goods into pieces slightly smaller than needed.
PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.
BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat through your glove to the palm of your hand.
TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.
BAND SAW: A tall stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good lumber into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.
PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER : A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.
HAMMER : Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.
UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.
SON-OF-A-B**** TOOL: (A personal favorite!) Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a B****!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.
Tools Explained
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Tools Explained
Bill
Mark V 1981 upgraded to 520 and PowerPro, w/ Band Saw, Belt Sander, Jointer, Jigsaw, and a bunch of previous owners 1980's jigs, accessories, and unknown parts.
Mark V 1981 upgraded to 520 and PowerPro, w/ Band Saw, Belt Sander, Jointer, Jigsaw, and a bunch of previous owners 1980's jigs, accessories, and unknown parts.
